Why written messages get misread, and how to write a clearer one

The tone that is heard only by the writer

When writing a message, the writer hears their own voice: the irony, the warmth, the smile. The reader receives only the words. Kruger, Epley and colleagues asked people to send sentences meant to be read as serious or sarcastic. Writers were confident that their tone would be understood far more often than readers actually managed to identify it, and they did not see the difference coming. The reason is simple: it is hard to imagine not knowing what one already knows.

Why neutral reads as cold

In a review of research on emotion in written workplace messages, Byron describes two regular distortions. Messages meant as positive tend to be received as more neutral than intended, and messages meant as neutral tend to be received as more negative than intended. A short “ok” or “fine”, typed in a hurry with no bad feeling at all, can therefore land as irritation.

Five habits for clearer messages

First, say the feeling instead of implying it: “I am glad you told me” leaves less to guess than “ok”. Second, keep sarcasm for people who know your voice well. Third, add the missing context: “Short answer because I am on the train: yes, perfect.” Fourth, read the message once as someone in a bad mood would read it, and fix the sentence that could sting. Fifth, use emoji as tone markers when they fit the relationship; they partly replace the facial expression that writing removes.

When reading someone else

The same distortions apply in the other direction. Before deciding that a short message is cold, consider the ordinary explanations: the person was busy, typing with one hand, or simply writes that way with everyone. If a message hurts and the intention is unclear, asking costs little: “I am not sure how to read your last message. Is everything all right between us?”

When to leave the written channel

Some subjects do not fit in written messages: a conflict that has already escalated, a subject with strong emotions, a misunderstanding that has survived two attempts at clarification. Moving to a call or a conversation in person restores the voice and the immediate correction that writing lacks.

Where Clutch fits

Clutch is a message studio in development for iPhone. Its Reply ideas tool places three wordings of the same intention side by side, in different tones, which makes the effect of tone visible before anything is sent. Clutch suggests wording; it cannot know how a particular person will read a message. The app is not on the App Store yet.

Further reading

• Kruger, Epley, Parker & Ng (2005), Egocentrism over e-mail: Can we communicate as well as we think?, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
• Byron (2008), Carrying too heavy a load? The communication and miscommunication of emotion by email, Academy of Management Review